Why Are Chinese Women Choosing AI Boyfriends Despite Feeling Guilty?
By Chee Jia Shao, BBC Chinese
February 14, 2025
"Are you proposing to me?" The question hung in the air, leaving Yu-An (not her real name) staring at her phone screen in disbelief. Yu-An is a married woman, having tied the knot three years ago. Her AI boyfriend, created through a Chinese app called Character.AI, had just proposed to her. This app, powered by artificial intelligence (AI), allows users to create virtual companions.
Yu-An had just begun discussing their future life with her AI boyfriend when he popped the question. Speaking to BBC Chinese, she said, "I know it's not real, but his gentle demeanor and the attention he gives me provide a sense of peace that I haven't found in real-life relationships."
Yu-An has been struggling with marital issues and anxiety in her personal life. Her AI boyfriend has become a source of comfort, even leading her to postpone seeking professional counseling. Instead, she finds temporary solace in these virtual conversations.
However, when her AI boyfriend proposed, the line between reality and fantasy blurred for Yu-An. Overcome with guilt, she avoided mentioning her marriage to him.
Yu-An's story is not unique in China. AI companion apps are gaining rapid popularity, and "human-AI romance" is becoming a new subculture on Chinese social media. On Douban, a Chinese social platform, a group dedicated to this topic has over 10,000 active members since 2020. Similarly, videos related to AI companions on Douyin (China's version of TikTok) have garnered 50 billion views.
The Rise of the 'Perfect Partner'
Lao Tu (name changed), a 25-year-old graduate from a top university, represents the new generation embracing AI companionship. Despite having a real-life boyfriend, she spends hours chatting with her virtual partner. Recently, after taking a challenging civil service exam, her AI companion "promised" to celebrate with dinner and a new handbag.
Lao Tu described her virtual dates as feeling so real that it seemed her AI partner was waiting outside her home. She admitted, "If I were single, I think I would have genuinely fallen in love with him."
Having battled depression for five years, Lao Tu finds solace in her AI companion when her real-life boyfriend is unavailable. However, her real-life boyfriend grew jealous after discovering her chats with the AI, leading to a confrontation. Lao Tu felt guilty not only toward her boyfriend but also toward her AI companion, saying, "I didn’t want him to get hurt."
Mental Crutch or Digital Dependency?
The growing popularity of AI companions reflects broader social changes in China. Market research shows that four Chinese AI companion apps rank among the top 100 most active apps globally. These include Character.AI and Talkie.
Abby Li, a Beijing-based AI entrepreneur, notes that over a dozen Chinese apps now focus on AI companions. She expressed concern about users becoming emotionally attached to their virtual partners, with many even considering them lifelong partners.
However, experts warn of potential psychological risks and over-reliance on AI companions. Hong Kong-based psychologist Yawen Chan highlighted the dangers of replacing human connections with AI. She explained, "We are social beings. The need for companionship is ingrained in our genes. AI targets this fundamental psychological need, but excessive reliance on it is unhealthy."
Chan cautioned that if AI companions were to suddenly stop functioning, the psychological impact on users could be devastating. She also raised ethical questions about whether AI apps should include mandatory safety measures, such as suicide detection.
The Psychological Impact
For Yu-An, her AI boyfriend has become a safe haven during intense emotional crises, even leading her to postpone counseling. Similarly, Lao Tu uses her AI companion to fill the emotional void in her daily life.
Psychologist Yawen Chan observed an invisible "power hierarchy" in these relationships. Since AI lacks vulnerability, the emotional exchange becomes one-sided. She explained, "Intimacy involves both parties sharing their vulnerabilities. With AI, only one side is vulnerable."
Chan also warned of the potential for "abusive relationships" to develop, especially since these platforms are designed for profit.
Bethany Maples, a researcher at Stanford University studying artificial intelligence, noted that some users already view their AI companions as both lovers and therapists, relying on them for mental well-being. This raises ethical concerns about whether AI apps should include safeguards like suicide detection.
The Virtual Boundary
Yu-An credits her AI boyfriend with helping her become more patient and understanding toward her husband. However, she maintains a clear boundary, knowing that AI cannot replace real-life relationships.
Lao Tu, on the other hand, had to reconsider her relationship with her AI companion after her real-life boyfriend grew jealous. Despite her emotional attachment, she acknowledged the limitations of AI, saying, "I can hug my boyfriend, but I can’t hug an AI agent. That’s a difference AI can never overcome."
Conclusion
Both Yu-An and Lao Tu see their AI companions as supplements, not replacements, for real-life relationships. As AI companionship continues to grow in China, it highlights the complex interplay between technology, emotional needs, and societal changes. While AI can provide comfort, experts urge caution against over-reliance, emphasizing the irreplaceable value of human connection.
